Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My ass is underappreciated
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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