we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
