If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
