So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
