so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
