I just saw a hot homeless man
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
