you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
