i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
