Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
