before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
