how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
two words...techno handjob
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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