she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
