I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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