you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
smell my finger.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
