at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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