for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
