I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
