look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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