My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
