Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
