his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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