I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
