Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
