OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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