theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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