You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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