So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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