I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
