matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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