Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
