I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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