My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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