remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
