I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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