hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
