He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
