You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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