now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
