my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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