you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
