It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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