I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
