for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
