So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
