I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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