you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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