Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
