Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
