She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk is a universal language darling
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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