so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
