he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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