Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
